Yawn....

Ocean and Sky 

36"x 24"

Can there be a more boring person than me?  I guess I don't have much to say. That comes with introversion, I guess.  Plus, I'm a pretty private person, but I did finish this painting a few weeks ago.  I am realizing that my art is more science than art.  I really don't have much to say, verbally or visually.  I make these collages and paintings, because I like to see how things fit together after they have been dissected into their individual parts.  It's selfish and about my own personal curiosity rather than pleasing others or sending a message.  So here is a painting of a low tide day at the beach.

I'm an analyzer more than a creator.  In fact, just being around my daughter and learning who she is and what her interests and talents are has made me question mine and discover mine.  I tend not to like a traditional landscape or still-life painting, because there is so much more to a place or a thing than one view of it.  I like to get into the visual details and analyze them, but I am not a detailed person, and I don't notice the details unless I am specifically looking for them or studying something that interest me. I want to know the how and the why and show the beauty of nature.  Unfortunately, in the art world (I recently read Seven Days in the Art World by Sarah Thornton), I don't fit in.  I don't paint straightforward images, and I don't try to shock, am not political nor doing anything innovative or thought provoking.  The straightforward images get purchased by people who want beautiful art to decorate their homes and that they hope will go up in value over time.  The other art gets shown in museums and reviewed and purchased by the ultra-rich and fashionable as conversation pieces.  I could go on and on about how sickening and stupid the art world is, but I won't bore you more than I already am.  It is the conflict between my desire to paint and make a living from it and what I know about the visual art world and artists that makes me want to vomit and never create again.  (Spoken like a true artists, eh? I think Scott Walker would appreciate it.)

Where does this leave my art?  Are there any scientists out there who might appreciate the details, patterns, colors, textures and shapes in nature and need to decorate their labs?  I might have the desire and a bit of talent to paint, but I sure don't have the patience or the personality to sell anything except my used crap at a garage sale.

I heard a funny comment that Phil Ochs once said to an interviewer.  Interviewer:  Some people say you are so negative, why be so negative?  What do you say about that?  Phil Ochs:  Those are the people I punch in the mouth.  What does this have to do with my art work?   Well, there are many people out there who would tell me;  don't be so negative, you can sell it if you really want to, etc.  In reality, I'm working against my true nature, and I also believe that life is about who you know and timing.  I don't know anyone who can help sell my work or wants to buy it, my nature is to not sell it and as far as timing goes that is out of everyone's hands.  Then I punch them in the mouth and tell them to read Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich.

Crankin' 'em out, sorta...

I have been painting frequently.  My motivation, besides love of painting and constant urge to arrange and create, is the gallery (Xanadugallery.com, under studio artists, A. Holmes) that my work is on currently.  They will remove my paintings after 4 months if they have not sold.  I need inventory to replace those removed/sold works.  I don't need inspiration or ideas, I need time, more time!  My brain is filled with ideas to explore.

Low Tide

 18" x 14" 

(I write these sized W x H)

My ability to take photos of my work stinks.  I'm never please with the colors.  Then I try to adjust them to make it look like the painting, but then it gets all mucky, and I revert back to the original.

Another Day in North County, San Diego 

18" x 14"

I think I'm too heavy handed with the varnish/sealer I put on my paintings.  Or maybe I need to try a matte finish.  Semi-gloss makes the paintings too shiny when I take the photo.  It's all an experiment for me.  Even the work.  I like to experiment and some turn out and some don't.  This painting is heavily textured.  I painted on the canvas, scraped it off a bit and then began this painting.  I often cover the whole canvas in one color, i.e., the most frequent one I will be using for the painting as a base layer.  In any one section or painting there could be 5-10 layers of paint.  I just like to get the color right.

Lily of the Nile 

22" x 60"

I said before that I was not please with the results of this painting so I went back to it and fixed it.  Mainly, the right bottom corner was displeasing to my eye.  Much better now.  I'll need to ask my daughter to take more photos for me to collage and paint.  She's a great photographer.  Soon to come:  another beach image.  I'm trying to complete a small series, including the two above.  Can't decide what the next series will be, perhaps trees after we move to our new home or roads, paths and maps.

One Completed, One Started and Gallery Representation

Lily of the Nile

22"x 60"

I finally finished this one, but am not pleased with it.  I rushed through the bottom right panel.  I began homeschooling this fall, and it doesn't leave much time for painting.  Plus, as I have said before, my daughter is my greatest teacher, and she is constantly reminding me to slow down and set quality before quantity.  I want to be prolific, she wants to be perfect (and me to be perfect).  I don't know if there can be a combination of prolific and perfect.  If I am prolific I will no doubt produce some losers, but if I am perfect, will I get anything done?  One thing for sure is that she is right about quality being the most important.  

Low Tide, Carlsbad SB (In progress)

18"x 14"

Being on holiday break allowed me some time to start a new painting.  This is a smaller canvas than the paintings I made in the last year.  I like small, because it draws the viewer in and whispers its secrets instead of shouting from across the room.  When I began the photo-collage-drawings, I started small so I would have a sense of accomplishment.  I have gotten larger with acrylics.  Maybe it is time to downsize again...

One last thing:  I have been accepted into Xanadu Gallery's on line gallery.  Currently, I have only one image on the site, because they have to review each image before it gets uploaded.  You can go to the URL listed below to see just my work or you can go to the gallery site to see the artists in their brick and mortar location in Scottsdale, AZ or see the rest of the studio artists that are in the online gallery.

xanadugallery.com/Art/ArtistGallery.asp?ArtistID=2120

It's Been A Long Time

Carlsbad State Beach 28"x22"

It seems like a few weeks ago since I last posted anything here.  To my surprise, it has been almost 5 months.  Not much painting going on lately.  The one above was touched up and altered a bit.  I finished the Lily of the Nile painting, but have yet to photograph it or rather have DH photograph it.  I am currently looking into opening an Etsy shop.  I need to clear out these paintings and start a new series.  Not much else to report along the art front.  I keep thinking of ideas, but lack the time and energy to follow through.  Still dreaming of the day when I have energy, time and motivation to carry on with art.  A happy new year to all four of my readers!

One More

Giant Aloe, 22' x 60"

This one is not too recent.  I just hadn't finished it when I first posted it.  

Lazy Artist, Lazy Blogger

Lily of the Nile,  22" x 60"

Yes, I am a lazy artist.  I do have two more paintings waiting to post on the blog, but I need to take some decent photos or rather, I need to have DH (devoted husband) take the photos for me.  He is 1000 times better at photography than I.  I didn't paint much this summer.  I had too much parenting to do. I did have some time to read the blogs I follow and philosophize in my head often.  One thing I read recently has struck a chord with me.  It relates to "your fantasy self":  http://www.missminimalist.com/2011/08/declutter-your-fantasy-self/. 

I have many fantasy selves.  No, not voices in my head, but ideas about who I am or who I want to be at any given time in my life.  Here are some of them; a well-read literary genius, who gets words, metaphors, references, etc. and can remember lines and stories from the classics as well as modern works and has an amazing book collection (and who doesn't constantly get grammar corrections from family members-you know who you are), a crafter who can make the most intricate works and has a strong attention to detail, a career woman who can bring home the bacon, spend 40 hours a week in a building with windows that don't open and enjoys wearing "dress-up" clothes (read: heals, nylons, suits), a gardener who grows and cans vegetables for her family, composts every scrap and knows the names of most, if not all the plants that grow locally, and finally, an artist who is prolific, sells work frequently, is represented in a gallery and has collectors.

Yes, I could probably work hard to achieve some semblance of these fantasy selves, but the truth is that none of these are really me at all. And the point of the article is to get rid of the tangible stuff that these fantasy selves want to use that you have collected/spent money on over the years.  I have no problem getting rid of stuff, except when it comes to these fantasy selves.  They are hard to let go of, because some day, I may actually be one of these selves(highly unlikely). 

I admit that I am bad with language, but that doesn't stop the fantasy.  In fact, I just realized that I think in pictures, and that is why I don't have words at times to say what I'm thinking about.  I'm too involved in creating the picture in my mind that I forget about the words.  I wish I could down load the picture in my mind and hand it to the other person so what I am trying to say is clearer.  I am better with words when they are on the page, though, I don't tend to remember what I read except for the general meaning, which is usually remembered as a picture. 

As far as crafting, I do not have an eye for details and have butter fingers when working with little things.  I love beads and little trinkets for jewelry, but it is very frustrating for me, because my fingers can't hold on well to make the wires, etc. move the way I want them to move.

A career woman, forgetaboutit; heals, suits, nylons, no way, but I could handle bringing home bacon.  Who doesn't enjoy bacon?

A gardener I have been in years prior, but I know all too well how back breaking (literally) that can be, and after many exhausting hours gardening, I have no energy for canning or cooking or even looking at vegetables.  On top of that, I cannot grow much out here in this climate.  I cannot identify many of the plants either.  I never realized how much humidity and rain helped me out in the past.

I am an artist, but not prolific or represented in a gallery.  I don't know if I ever will be, either, because as this post began, I am a lazy artist.  I paint and collage when the mood strikes, if I have the time.  I take years off only to return with a fervor for a few more years.  I can never keep the wheels in motion when it comes to my art, and I am afraid that being represented in a gallery will mean churning out art work that is not sincere and thus taking all the joy out of painting.

In the article I referenced above, the author says that letting go of the fantasy selves and all their accoutrements makes room for real desires and interests.  Who knows?  I just want the de-cluttered shelves, and the mental real estate freed up from the razing of the fantasies.

Old One

I painted this image almost 12 years ago.  It is one of my personal favorites.  It's not nature.  It's not a common subject for me, but something I have explored before and want to explore in the future;  roads and paths.  At this pace, I won't get to do that for several years.  I'm working on a series of six paintings (currently on number 5), some of which are already on this blog.  My goal was to be done by June, but I don't think that is going to happen.  I'm a slow worker.  In addition, I don't get to paint every day.  I was thinking the next series will be about low tide.  Maybe I'll make those smaller images than the ones I'm working on now.  I won't know until I start.  My daughter wants me to use some of her photos for the next series.  She's a pretty good photographer, of course, I'm biased.

Any City, 24"x 18"(Acrylic)